Civil Hubris

In November, 2024 I moved my daughter and myself into our own apartment so that I could raise her in an environment without violence, fear, coercive control, and domestic abuse. I was hopeful and operating as if our own locking doors and space of our own would mean she was not deprived of a safer relationship with her father which I sought guidance and ground rules for with multiple professionals and agreements with her father. 

In early October, 2025 I filed for divorce on my third attempt. 

In late October, 2025 a series of incidents that caused me to believe my daughter was at risk led to a a volatile escalation of the same behaviors that had caused me and her to move out. Forced entry into our apartment, physical and verbal threats, verbal abuse towards me and her, refusal to leave escalated over a day and a half due to my recent mandatory reporting of concerning disclosures by my daughter.  

On October 31st, 2025 after the second forced entry and a series of incidents which met standards for risk of child endangerment I filed a police report and they offered and escort to the Family Safety Center to request a Temporary Order of Protection. I denied their escort and called my mother to meet me for the order of protection intake.

On November 24th, 2025, despite directly communicating I would not be seeking an extension of the Temporary Order of Protection, I found myself on a general sessions court witness stand being cross examined about the historic incidents of Domestic Violence and the issue which led to the order of protection was not addressed. The order was dismissed and was a legal matter for safety separate from divorce or custody. 

Two hours later, my daughters father entered a separate family civil court and using my then dormant petition for divorce, began rapid emergency filings claiming withholding our child (or alienation) citing the dates of the temporary order of protection while obscuring the legal reason he had not seen her during those dates. 

Between November 24th and December 2nd, 2025 he filed one emergency motion regarding the withholding and parenting time, one ex parte motion (ex parte is a extreme form of filing that prevents the other party from being made aware of its submission to the court) and was granted a civil Temporary Order of Restraint which legally forbade me from speaking to my daughter about incidents of abuse as well as sought to block a pediatric directed medical appointment. 

Because these motions were filed without me ever setting foot in the court, the claims made required the burden of providing documentation to contradict a total of over fifty lines, comprised of only hearsay and no supporting evidence by him, on me to compile and present at a single court date which also would determine the living arrangement for our child which would violate all previous agreed upon safety ground rules established in therapeutic settings.  

The claims made ranged from reframing my child protective compliance as instability to suggesting I had left a hospital against medical advice and made request for a psychiatric evaluation on me. Again, all before I entered the court room. All initial motions and signed orders did not have affidavits filed with the court clerk. 

In the months following I was able to organize documentation contradicting each line of his original filings, however by nature of rapid litigation, new issues arose before I was able to have due process on the original filings. 

On January 6th, 2026 right after 9 AM on the day courts opened back up after the holiday’s her father filed an emergency motion to remove my daughter from me completely, zero contact. I was able to make it through that hearing retaining the now current custody orders which granted him overnights at our former martial home, something previously agreed to be inappropriate due to unresolved domestic violence.

On the evening of her second court ordered overnight her father repeatedly messaged me late into the evening to immediately meet him to retrieve her. Having already placed myself in violation by trying to interrupt a court process that was determining where our child would live without having any context and history about her or her life or ours, I maintained that I would not break court orders again and if there was an emergency I would pivot this position. 

The next day when he dropped her back with me within a few hours she disclosed physical abuse by him. I reported this, noted swelling and bruising and called her doctor who insisted I take her to the Vanderbilt Children’s hospital. 

At Vanderbilt, the swelling was confirmed, although the bruising was less apparent. While I was in the hall with a social worker, she disclosed to the attending doctor the same physical abuse she had described to me which was documented in her medical notes. The medical discharge instructed me to keep her with me until follow up with her pediatrician. 

I asked my then lawyer to reach out to him or his lawyer to discuss privately arranging the litigation train wreck to be thrown in the trash via petition to the Judge. I assumed that with my level of anger not yet turned grief and his guilt that at the very least two lawyers could handle some paperwork that read something like ‘Dear Judge, sooooo, the Father in this case who filed nearly six consecutive motions absolutely marring the integrity of the values and actions as the mother kinda sort of not only lied but he left out a real big ole’ part of the context and history and this is super embarrassing but that history has to do with pretty important safety things about a young child.’

I am not sure if a call between lawyers ever made it past opening remarks. Without resolve and another upcoming overnight court ordered my lawyer drafted an emergency motion, my first filing in the whole court process in mid January. It was filed early afternoon on a Thursday and my attorney said the Judge was at home that day and we would probably not have response until tomorrow. Within an hour of its filing a response rejecting my motion and changing custody to her father was signed and served by the court. 

I had dropped her at school and she had asked me to promise I would pick her up. I agreed because I had no idea I could break a promise to her like that. I still feel physical pain when I remember her face and that promise. He picked her up and I did not see her for weeks and when I first did she would not look at me. I understood. Since then she has not lived with me and by nature of her age cannot understand explanations that I, myself don't understand. 

A hearing followed the change of custody, and I don’t remember much of it, I was asked about bruising as if I was the doctor. I was cross examined about factual conclusions as if I was present at the incident she disclosed to me. I was honest. I said I could not know what happened because I was not there but based on history and context I had no reason to disbelieve her. That because of mandatory reporting laws I had reason to report it. That because her pediatrician was adamant I take her to Vanderbilt based on her history with her father I had every reason to follow that directive, even though I hated all of it. 

The medical notes containing her disclosure of abuse to the doctor was not presented nor was the confirmation of swelling in the spot she indicated was struck. 

I was ordered supervised visits every two weeks and a psychiatric evaluation, per previous request made by the father. 

I remember the dress I wore because I threw it away when I did not wake up from that nightmare. I remember a guttural pain and my note of bruising being called recanting in the court room. For the rest of my life I will carry the memory of telling my three year old that she will never get in trouble for telling her mommy anything and that it is my biggest job to keep her safe. She doesn’t know a court process made a liar out of me. She only knows she told me what she was afraid of and then was taken from me without explanation. Months later she told me when the ‘bad day’ happened she thought I was gone forever. 

Long after that she told me that another child made up a song called 'you don't have a mommy anymore.'

In a small burst of hopeful problem solving I tried to raise Kayden’s Law. A law written for situations like this where custody cannot change after reporting abuse before a full evidentiary hearing. I don’t know that anyone was listening at this point to a mother who just lost her child. Civil courts have discretion on laws they implement. The laws are great, the use of them needs improvement. 

I will tell this in pieces I can make it through. For now, this is where I will stop, but I'm right here.